Why Developing DBT Skills Can Feel Uncomfortable Before They Help
Therapy isn't always as easy as walking in, having a conversation with your therapist, and leaving. It requires genuine engagement, which doesn’t always go smoothly. With a structured approach like Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), you might feel uncomfortable as you work through the skill-building sections. Sometimes these skills might feel like they aren't working or seem pointless. This is fairly common. Many people report feeling this way during DBT. These feelings are normal, and there are ways to work through them.
The Discomfort of Awareness
When you've been operating on autopilot or in survival mode, your patterns of behavior and emotional responses can feel completely normal. Your brain has accepted these patterns as your baseline. But DBT asks you to take a step back and examine not just what you do, but how and why you do it.
When you're asked to notice and train yourself to do things outside your comfort zone, it naturally feels uncomfortable. You're essentially being asked to question behaviors that have felt automatic for so long. That awareness itself can be unsettling.
When Skills Feel Too Simple
On the other hand, you might have a different reaction. You might feel like the skills aren't really doing anything—that they're things everyone already knows. But here's the reality: you're learning these skills in structured sessions, possibly in group therapy. This is a controlled environment that doesn't require much stress from the outside world.
The skills might feel simple or obvious in this setting, but applying them in real life can be completely different. When you're in the middle of an actual stressful situation, using these tools effectively requires the practice you're getting now.
Building Muscles for Real Life
DBT skills aren't designed to feel immediately profound. They're meant to be worked on over time, building them up so you can use them in real-life situations where things aren't structured.
Think of it like working out at the gym. You're building muscles, so when you need to do heavy lifting, you're prepared. The exercises might feel manageable, but they're training you for harder moments.
What You Can Do About These Feelings
Notice Them
The first step is simply to notice when you're feeling uncomfortable or resistant to learning these skills. Part of DBT is about becoming more aware of yourself anyway. Even if your reactions are negative, it's important not to push them aside or judge yourself for having them. Recognize when it's happening.
Stay Committed to Your Therapy
Don't quit because of these uncomfortable feelings. DBT is working under the surface even when it doesn't feel like it. It's changing how you respond to the world, but it requires dedication and consistency for those changes to take hold.
Talk to Your Therapist
Share these feelings with your therapist. They can provide strategies for dealing with these reactions that are tailored specifically to who you are and your unique situation. Your therapist has likely worked with many people who have felt this way.
Consider the Therapeutic Fit
If you think your discomfort might be related to your specific therapist rather than the therapy itself, that's okay, too. Sometimes, there just isn't the right fit between a client and therapist. Finding a different professional who's a better match for you is completely normal.
Moving Forward
Remember that discomfort during DBT skill development doesn't mean the therapy isn't working; in many ways, it means it is working. You're being challenged to grow and change, and growth rarely feels comfortable in the moment. The skills you're building now will become valuable tools for managing difficult emotions. If you’re interested in learning more about how DBT can help you build the emotional tools to handle tough moments, contact me today to get started.